To the first trimester mama
I see you. I feel for you. All of the feelings, both physical and emotional, may be reigning over you during this period of time. It seems like the slowest weeks of your life, yet looking back it becomes the smallest snippet in the whole scheme of pregnancy and motherhood.
I clearly remember talking about the feelings of nausea and fatigue with one of my friends during my first pregnancy and first trimester. I remember asking her how she thinks people do this multiple times. He response was, “because they forget first trimester and remember the joy of the rest of pregnancy and motherhood”. Yep - I get that wholeheartedly now.
I am speaking to you as a mama who just closed her first trimester. This isn’t my first rodeo, but it was different than before. Nausea, food aversions, fatigue, and desire to sit on the couch is what I felt. I swear that last time around, these feelings curbed for me around 9 weeks. But there I was at 13 weeks and still feeling the joyous pang of bleh. I think I forgot what it was really like and getting to experience this again is so amazing for the empathy that I can offer my clients in this time and space. Because feeling this way outright stinks. And feeling this way with a toddler isn’t any more fun.
So why am I writing this post? I am writing this post because I think there are a few things that every mama in the first trimester should keep in mind because you need the support and you need it now! Here it goes:
Your experience is yours alone. Only you know how you feel. This first trimester isn’t the experience of your friends, it isn’t the experience of your mother or mother-in-law. It isn’t even the experience of you last pregnancy. This is yours and yours alone. Others can relate, but they can’t fully feel what you’re feeling. And be honest - you don’t always have to answer with “I’m well” when someone asked “how are you doing"?”. It is valid to say, “I feel like crap”.
ASK FOR HELP! If I could shout this from the rooftop for the entire world to hear, I would. Going into this pregnancy I had this mindset that I had prepared so well, so if I wasn’t feeling great, it was my fault. Something was off with nutrition or mineral status… so I should be able to figure it out alone. NO! Please don’t think this! It could not be farther from the truth. I mentioned to one of my friends that I wasn’t feeling too hot and I was having a hard time feeding myself and my family and she said, “Hannah, ASK US FOR HELP. If you need meals, we will make sure you have meals. If we were living in a village, ancestrally, you wouldn’t even have to ask.” This meant so much to me and it still makes me tear up today when I think about the support we can offer each other as women during this early time of pregnancy. How amazing is that?
Every first trimester mama should have a meal train. Either create one for yourself or ask a friend to start one for you. The best part about this is that both friends near and far can support you with this! I think we are often scared about sharing that we are pregnant in first trimester, but it can be very healing to share with those close to you that will support you through this time.
Asking for help is not just food-related, it can also be related to asking for help or putting resources toward things to help around the house (or with other little ones). Get a babysitter for a few hours so you can just go binge Gilmore Girls on the couch. Or splurge for the house cleaning. I promise you will one day feel better and be able to have energy again to spend time with your toddler or clean the kitchen. Now is the time to use the resources.
It is OK to feel like crap.
And here’s a nutrition tip (when I follow it, my nausea is curbed): always include a fat and protein with anything you’re eating and make sure to keep your stomach fed (a few cashews or walnuts every hour really helps).
Get a health coach! If you’re not quite sure where your mind is, what your nutrition should look like, what movement your body needs during this season, a coach is for you. Heck, even if you want an accountability partner, a coach is for you. PS in the first trimester, I am going to be there to listen to you, to hear you, and to tell you to take that extra nap or eat that extra slice of sourdough bread. You deserve it.
As a reminder…YOU ARE GROWING A DAMN BABY. This takes more energy than anything else ever in your body.